Saucy Movie Reviews

Opening Soon:

Dukes of Hazzard - Jessica Simpson makes her big-screen debut in this re-make of the '80s TV show. The best highlight: Watching those short shorts crawl up the crack of her ass. Then again, wasn't that the point of making this movie?

Now Playing:

Fantastic Four – a group of scientists get caught in the same weird space radiation and adapt special powers, but for some reason, they all get different powers. How does that work? And why is that one dude all orange and shit? He could use some Noxzema.

Bad News Bears – a bunch of foul-mouthed, snotty-nosed social rejects form a baseball team led by a coach who is a womanizing alcoholic who verbal abuses them. Wholesome, reality-based family entertainment.

War of the Worlds – a foul-mouthed, child-neglectful social reject takes his kids and runs from aliens who for some reason spray everything with red snot. Wholesome, reality-based family entertainment.

Batman Begins – begins what? Raping innocent moviegoers of their hard-earned cash? Thanks Batman, you motherfucker.

The March of the Penguins – Watch penguins cross the Antarctic and fuck. Hot, hot, hot!

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – Johnny Depp plays Michael Jackson playing Gene Wilder after doing a shitload of LSD on an empty stomach.

Must Love Dogs - A forty-something preschool teacher looks to the personals for a change...of...pace..... and a........ relationshhhh...........oh, sorry, I fell asleep while I was writing that.

Stealth - Jamie Foxx cringes as he follows up an Oscar win with what is basically the equivalent to Oscar taking a huge dump on celluloid.

Wedding Crashers - Ok, we get it. Will Ferrell is funny. Now, fuck off for 5 minutes already.